Ok So…

It was my last week in the Big D when I get an email from Match.com with the subject: Search Men in Your Area for FREE! I thought to myself, hmm…let’s have a quick look at what Miami has to offer.

Shortly after pulling together an amusingly random profile page, the emails begin to pour in.
My initial reaction was to cancel my account, move back to England…and herd donkeys. However, I stuck it out for the entire month, went on three dates with two stand up gents, and received heaps of emails that people would donate their kidneys for.

This one takes the cake…and still manages to make me shudder.

Subject: Tough Cookie...

So there is one person on here that I would like to meet for a drink.
Following Murphy's Law, she is of course, the one that didn't write me back. Who might that be you ask? Ask not for whom the bell tolls...

It is to be expected that a woman of your charm, personality and good looks would not bother with profiles that have no images. With that in mind, I had a "shoot" scheduled for this afternoon. I was then going to post, re-write and wait... fully confident that upon viewing my picture you would:

1. Drop whatever you were doing
2. Clear your calendar for the next three days
3. Email your phone number
4. Sit by the phone and wait for me to call

I would wait a good twenty minutes before calling you, allowing you to sit and squirm, and then you and I would begin the process of setting Miami on fire. But the cable guy is 2 hours late and I had to reschedule the shoot for next Monday. I refuse to allow the cable guy to decide my fate. Google (he gave me his name to search)... and you will see a picture of me playing poker at a 10k world poker tour event about 18 months ago. Please take into account that I had flown from Monte Carlo the day before, couldn’t sleep on the plane, had been playing for 11 hours and had just lost the pot that would have made me chip leader in the tournament.

While this normally makes for fantastic dinner conversation, I will spill the beans in advance. I am a professional poker player. Worked on Wall Street for 8 years, then left it all behind for the road less traveled.

I have been wildly successful at what I do. My life is travel, fun and excitement to the tenth power. What makes me so good at what I do is my ability to read people…and I just think we would be a hit....

One drink, fair maiden? Given just 1% of your confidence, I believe I can win the other 99%....

Sincerely,
Mr. Match…who will remain anonymous


Shudder.